Follow Up

Today Allie had her first follow-up appointment. The nurse practitioner was very stern with her and let her know that she has a 92% chance of getting the cancer back. She has to do her follow-up care every three months—getting checked thoroughly so that they catch anything before it turns cancerous. I am going to make sure she does it, no matter what. The nurse also told her the her surgery was being observed by one of the best and most famous surgeons. I told my daughter; “You know I created this: you having everyone that can possibly make you well in that room.” I am certain that the surgeon was there to watch because Allie's surgery was a little different. They started on top and then turned her over for a biopsy. I still believe you create your universe. It was no accident that that woman was in there. It is a teaching hospital and I am not surprised.

Our trip to Disney world will be a celebration of the end of this cancer. I am off to Arizona for most of the week to train bankers. I am so used to seeing Allie everyday. I will miss both my girls.

I feel blessed that things worked out this way. Every minute really counts with my daughters and family. I cannot express it enough.

THE BEST NEWS EVER :-D

I got the news today that Allie is cancer free! They got all the cancer—it did not get in to her lymph nodes. Allie was so relieved and we just celebrated. Now it is follow-up care every six months to keep to make sure it doesn't come back. I have learned a lot from this experience. I spent so much time working and when I was off I wasn't really off—I would be distracted by all the things I needed to get done for work. Now I spend my time in the moment. Allie and I are going to Disney World! I am excited about our girls' trip.

I prayed every night and today I thanked God for the this gift he has given Allie and I.

I am renaming this blog. It will be about happier times. Thank you everyone for praying for my daughter. Thank you for all the love and support.

Bandages off and a Good Day!

Allie took her bandages off the six places. She looked at where the scars will be once she heals and really took it very well. I am so amazed at how she takes this one step at a time. I have learned so much about just living in that moment and not worrying about the next step. Tonight her friends picked her up to celebrate her friend Chloe's birthday. She looked beautiful. She said; “Look mom: this dress covers my scars.” We bought the dress in Birmingham for our Disney trip. Scars and all, she looked gorgeous. I told her; “Men love scars because it shows you are a strong woman.” She is so confident her beauty shines through. I was not that confident at her age. I admire both my daughters and who they are. I look up to them. Allie has this path that she is on and no one, or any obstacle, will stop her. I feel so blessed to watch the process of how she will get there. I am there for my girls as someone that they can count on to never give up on them. As they grow older they don't need me as much. There are times, like with this cancer, when Allie wants me there to hold her hand, rub her back, and tell her this will be OK. I cuddle with her in bed and we watch TV or goof around with the camera. I am driving her to work tomorrow and then when I pick her up we are going in to Birmingham for dinner. The waiting on pathology is still hanging over my head although I know she must be cancer free—I am just ready to hear it now. I know Allie is ready too. There are no words to truly describe how much love you have for your children. I love my girls and I am so clear that I am the lucky one to have them in my life.

Feeling Better

It is amazing how much better she got in one day. I am working from home and Allie is relaxed and able to walk around, with hardly any pain. I am so happy for her. Now, once we get the pathology report, we can put this whole thing behind us. Allie and I last night decided to goof around with the camera. I love my daughters!

Today.

I asked Allie if I could take some pictures of her so that she would remember the experience. I got this one as she was getting out of bed. It says it all: she hurts from top to bottom. Allie never expected it to be this painful. I am inspired by who she is in the matter of this whole thing; she is refusing any hard pain medication and instead sits still and just keeps herself calm. She uses Tylenol extra strength instead. I seriously do not know if I could do what she is doing. She is one tuff young woman.

Last night she finally fell asleep after a considerable amount of pain. I helped her take a shower today which made her feel much better. I also made her go to the grocery store with me to walk around. After that she was so tired she slept for four hours. I wanted to get her up so she wasn't so stiff but I see her feeling much better now.

Now is the waiting for the pathology. I can't wait for them to tell me she is cancer free! That is my full intention and that is the only option.

Allie's Surgery

Long day… We started in nuclear medicine. They were starting the mapping process to the lymph nodes to see if it has spread. At first they took a couple of pictures. After the radiologist looked at them he wanted her to go to a different machine and then a CT. I got worried that they had seen something. Your mind goes all different places when they ask for more of something. Then I realized it could just be that they wanted a better view of what they were looking at.

The University of Michigan staff is amazing. Allie all of a sudden got very upset and was crying. It suddenly hit her how serious it was. Everybody helped her through and got her ready. The nurses, the doctors, the technicians—all were professional and so good with her. They let me stay with her until they wheeled her out. I kissed her a bunch of times and then waited till I could see her. They let me see her sooner then most patients because she was yelling for me. She may be 19 but I will always be her mommy. Through the night the pain got worse. She is a tuffie though; she did not want any pain medicine, only extra strength Tylenol. I convinced her to take the harder stuff. Her throat hurts from the tube. The biopsy on her back and stomach are hurting and where they removed the cancer on her breast is painful. She is so strong. She just lays really still and tries to sleep off the pain. In a couple days she should feel a lot better. Now it is the waiting on pathology. I will know she is cancer free next Thursday. That is my complete intention, hope and dream.

Tomorrow Allie has surgery

Tomorrow Allie has her surgery. She is also going for a lymph node biopsy at the same time. My stomach is on fire with worry and she hasn't slept well. However, I know she is in a great hospital with wonderful doctors and I fully intend tomorrow being the day that this all ends and the cancer is gone: there is no other possibility.

After the surgery comes the waiting. Allie is also having a biopsy at the same time as they remove the cancer. We also have to wait on the lymph node study. It takes about a week to get everything. Cancer is a waiting game. I want it to go fast and be done with but it just doesn't work that way. I fully intend they find nothing and in that week of waiting I will keep up that thought process.

I am spending all weekend in with my Allie making sure that she is OK and that her needs are met.

Allie's Doctor Appointment

Today we had her pre-op appointment. Allie filled out her wishes if she should, God forbid, go into a coma and a vegetative state. I questioned her and made sure that she knew what she wanted. She was very clear that she did not want to live that way. That was a horrible moment for me. She is filling out her consent to let her go. God forbid a million times over. Another moment was when the nurse said; “They are figuring out the stage of the cancer from the surgery.”—you see, for me there is not a stage except ‘over and done with’ after the surgery. When times like this happen I get sad and then I have come to move on and think of what I choose to create to happen… A healthy and cancer free Allie as of this July 17th, 2009.

Legal Papers

Today my attorney told me he was putting papers together so that I have control over my daughter's health and finances if God forbid she can not. I have not cried in a number of days about the cancer but this got me. I looked at her and she seems in great health; she is happy and working and having fun this summer. You would never guess this stuff is going on inside her body. I never thought I would be having a conversation with my daughter regarding her wishes if—GOD FORBID—anything happens other than the cancer leaving her body on July 17th, 2009 (when she has the surgery). I am very specific because I do believe you have to be very careful what you put out into the universe. You can create anything and I choose to create Allie being cancer free right after that surgery that day.

Nice Weekend

Allie and I spent the weekend getting her some things for Florida. We also went to a movie and she spent some time with her friends. She has a scar from the biopsy and it was the first time she didn't want to wear something because of the scar. I let it go. After the surgery she will have some scars on her body. We will deal with the repair once they are healed, if needs be.

I have to make sure I give my oldest daughter Hayley enough attention as well. She is out of college, recently moved to her first apartment, and has begun her first job. Hayley is trying to adjust. I needed to talk to her one-on-one to make sure she is OK. With all that is going on with Allie I don't want Hayley to feel left out. This is an important period in her life too.

I look at both of my girls and feel so blessed to have them in my life. I have made mistakes but I have come to realize that all parents at some time wish they had done something differently. I have always loved them and let them know they can do it when they doubted themselves. They are my babies and always will be no matter how old they get.